Bitter Reality
by dancer4813
Summary: Set after 1x20, "Nothing Personal". Skye breaks down after the events of Ward's betrayal, and Simmons is there to help her shed a little "light" on the situation. Not inherently Skimmons (I wrote it as my brotp), but it's there if you're looking for it.


**Warning: Rated T for language use and discussion of adult themes.**

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_"I feel not unlike a small boy, waking from a bad dream to find reality not much of an improvement."_

_-John Byrne_

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It was far too early in the morning to be up. It was that time before sunrise when the stars were just starting to disappear in the hazy gray of dawn, though the light of the sun on the horizon wasn't yet visible behind the buildings of whatever Podunk little town they were staying in. But Skye was awake anyway, trying desperately to keep from moving around too much lest she wake Simmons, whom she'd learned was a pretty light sleeper.

The scientist was curled up facing away from her, brown hair spread across the white of the standard-issue motel pillows. Skye couldn't see her face, but she imagined it was peaceful and felt a sharp stab of longing pierce her gut. What she would give for a couple of hours of restful sleep… It was impossible for any sleep to be considered "restful" when images of Ward's sickening smile popped into her dreams, his empty promises and false assurances warped beyond even her comprehension by her subconscious.

She felt a few tears leak from her eyes and run down the side of her face, and she willed them back, determined not to shed anymore tears for that lying _bastard_. It only worked for a few seconds, and soon more salty rivulets were running from under her lashes and pooling on the cotton beneath her cheek. Stifling one sob, then another, Skye fumbled for one of the other pillows on the bed and used it to muffle her heavy breathing.

How could she have thought she was getting through to him? She _knew _how good he was at lying, at going undercover- No, because if she had known she wouldn't have fallen for his bait. It was Miles all over again – _seducing _her to gain her trust, only having positive words to say about her – why hadn't she noticed anything? She was training to be an agent of SHIELD, had even been one for a bit less than twenty-four hours, and she hadn't even suspected-

_Ward had been her SO._

The fact hadn't occurred to her before, and a new wave of sobs tore through her chest. How long had he been planning this? If Garret had been _his_ SO… She knew he'd been out of training for at least a few years, so had he simply worked up the ranks in SHIELD and HYDRA, waiting for his chance? Had he thought he could win her over at first? Had _everything_ been a sham, or had he truly cared about them in some twisted way that only a murderer could?

The ache that burned inside her, twisting itself into a dense, constricting ball of guilt, hardened. It wasn't like anything she had ever felt – this _level_ of pain. Not when she'd been shunted from foster home to foster home and thought it was her fault, not when she'd seen the blank stare of indifference in Deathlok's eyes before Quinn shot her, not even when she'd been caught fraternizing with Miles and been condemned to wear that bracelet.

Somehow, knowing she herself had been played, when she usually prided herself on playing others when she needed to made it all the worse. And though she had tried her hardest to stop him, she hadn't even gotten close. Sure, she'd delayed the inevitable by a couple of hours, but HYDRA had gotten the information on the hard drive despite all she'd done.

The trek they made to Los Angeles – pointless.

Stalling for time as she pretended to hack, pretended she was infatuated with him – pointless.

Sending a tip-off to the local cops – pointless.

Nearly getting arrested? Also pointless.

And the whole plan she'd had of not breaking, of withholding the information on the drive – pointless. Simply because she couldn't bring herself to just let Ward _die._

She wanted nothing more than to scream at the heavens, to yell at the whole damn world and ask why she had to live the shitty life she was forced to live. But she contented herself with sobbing into a pillow because there was nothing else she _could_ do. Their team was comprised of "fugitives from justice". They were on the run from both HYDRA and the US government. Their team was at the top of the FBI's most wanted list, and nothing they did was going to change that.

She'd finally found a place to belong, but, like every other time her life seemed to take a turn for the better, the bridge she was crossing cracked and she fell into the tumultuous river of shit that seemed to follow her around.

"Skye?"

Jemma's voice came from above her and she felt a touch on her arm, flinching away before she could think for a moment.

_His hands steadying her stance- pulling gently at her hair as his lips met hers- forcing her against the railing of the stairs on the BUS as she struggled-_

She didn't even realize she was hyperventilating until she felt the pillow slip away from between her arms and her lungs were on fire from lack of oxygen. Skye choked as she tried to steady her breathing, though the sobs were still attempting to wrench themselves from inside her. Her face felt the cool touch of two hands brushing the hair off her tear-stained cheeks and she heard a calm, steady voice speaking the Queen's English telling her to listen.

It took an eternity of a few seconds to get herself back under control, even though the tears still ran down her cheeks, the sobs having been silenced. She opened her eyes to see Simmons' concerned face hovering over her from the side of the bed. The Brit made to withdraw her hand, but Skye grasped it before she could, needing something to anchor her back to reality.

After a few moments of continued tears a weight made the mattress sink slightly, the hand shifting in her grasp as Simmons sat on the bed. They simply existed together for a few moments, until Skye's breathing had calmed to an almost normal level and her head was clear enough to let go of Simmons' hand. She pulled her legs up underneath her into a sitting position and used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe at her eyes. A handful of tissues were presented to her and she mumbled a weak "thank you" to her friend before blowing her nose.

"Better?" Simmons asked, still looking at her in concern.

Skye nodded, suddenly feeling every ounce of exhaustion from only having slept three hours that night. "A bit, yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?" the scientist asked cautiously, quickly backtracking as Skye looked up at her. "You don't have to if you don't want to, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable, because I _know_ it's got to be so terrible, but I just wanted to say," she took a breath and sighed, slowing her words, "that I'm here to talk if you want."

Skye didn't say anything for a few moments, rolling the wadded-up tissue around in her hands before she sighed and leaned back against the headboard, face in her hands. "There's just so much- so much that he did. And-and I don't know where to start, with the kiss or E-Eric, or his damn _promises_-"

She cut herself off, rubbing her face hard with the heels of her hands and dragging them down the sides of her face.

"There- there was _kissing_ involved?" Simmons asked, in such a hesitant tone that, when coupled with the appalled and rather frightened look on her face, made Skye smile. After everything, Simmons was still laughably innocent. It was good to know that some people never changed.

"There was," Skye affirmed with a sharp nod. "And, I have to say, it _was _pretty good kissing," she teased with a joking look.

Simmons let out a squeak of surprise that had Skye muffling a giggle. "Was there… Was there _tongue_?"

She sounded so disgusted but interested at the same time, and Skye felt the aching near her heart lessen by a fraction. "There was, though I started it."

"You _what?_" Simmons hissed, eyes wide and mouth open. "Why ever would you-"

"Well, when you need to seduce a guy…" She trailed off, and Simmons lifted an eyebrow.

"You _seduced_ Ward?"

"He wanted me anyway," Skye said, brushing off the chill that covered her skin in goose bumps. "Or at least the hard drive, and he needed me to decrypt it."

"So you _seduced him_?" Simmons asked, apparently too hooked on the detail to move farther in the conversation.

"It was either that or let him know I knew he was HYDRA," Skye said, letting her head fall back onto the headboard once again. "He'd already killed Er-Agent Koenig, and I'd found his body, but then he was looking for me and I had no other option. I left the message on the screen and that was all I had time for."

"I'm so sorry, Skye," Simmons said as she bit her lip. "I wish we had just brought you with us, or that May would have stayed- Then you wouldn't have had to go through all this."

"The base was compromised as soon as I told Ward where it was, Jemma. If I hadn't gone with them they would have sent Deathlok out to Providence and then the whole team would have been in trouble. And I didn't want any of you to get hurt."

"But _you_ got hurt," Simmons protested, gesturing to the red ring around her wrist where the handcuff had dug in and her neck, where the bruises from where Deathlok had grabbed her were visible. "And you went through more than the rest of us put together. That's not fair to you at all. I know I wouldn't have been able to do it."

"I thought we'd already established that you are a horrible liar."

"Only without a backstory-"

"And that time with Sitwell? Well, we know _you're _not going to be seducing anyone anytime soon."

Simmons' cheeks flushed pink and Skye laughed aloud at the look of mortification on her friend's face.

"I thought we agreed never to speak of that again."

"But he had such a _gorgeous head_-"

"Shut up, Skye," Simmons gasped, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at her. Skye only caught it and laughed, feeling the tension that had built up over the last few days finally drain away in the relative safety of the motel room.

Looking over at the clock she saw it was almost six in the morning, and groaned. "What time did you say breakfast was again?"

"Six-thirty to ten."

"Do you think we could get away with sleeping until nine?"

Simmons laughed. "It's not like we have an agenda. I'm sure Coulson will let us sleep as long as we want. Besides, it's not like you have training today."

"Thank god," Skye said with an exasperated sigh. "Finally, an excuse to sleep in."

Simmons laughed, and got up to go to her own bed, but Skye spoke again, making her stop and turn around.

"You won't tell the others what happened, will you?"

She knew her face was pleading, but she _couldn't_ deal with the disappointed looks from the rest of the team. She'd already failed to keep the contents of the hard drive safe, sold them out to the enemy, and if they knew she'd _kissed_ him… Even if the second and third time were because she was trying to go "undercover" so to speak, the first had definitely been because she wanted it. And the kiss before that, in the Hub, that she'd almost forgotten-

"Of course not, not if you don't want me to," Simmons said earnestly. Seeing the tears in Skye's eyes her face suddenly showed worry and concern. "Skye, he didn't _do_ anything, did he?"

"What would he- _Oh_," she realized, quickly shaking her head. "No, it's fine. He didn't do anything like that. He was just a lying, traitorous, son of a bitch."

Simmons visible relaxed, letting out a breath. "Oh thank god. For a moment I was so worried…" She yawned, bringing up a hand to cover her mouth and blinking hard.

"I'm gonna try to get a few more hours of sleep," Skye said, also yawning as she rearranged her pillows and laid down. "You probably should too."

The scientist nodded, watching as her friend curled up beneath the duvet. "Sweet dreams, Skye," she said without thinking. She received a tired chuckle in response.

"Sweet dreams to you too, Simmons," Skye said, yawning once more as her eyes drifted shut, blocking out the faint rays of sunlight poking through the curtains on the window.

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**A/N: Long story shot, this came about because I can't watch tonight's episode (2x12) when it airs, so I was having withdrawal symptoms before the episode even aired and I decided to watch some of Season 1 on Netflix, though it just made me feel conflicted and then very angry at Ward. _Ugh._ So anyway, hope you enjoyed this little oneshot. Thanks for reading!**

**If you have any other AOS oneshot ideas, please feel free to PM me or leave them in a review. I'll write pretty much anything besides smut and I'm always looking for new ideas. ;)**

**Have a great rest of your day!**

**-Megan**


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